Lingering Effects of Parental Divorce

The problem

Growing Up Between Two Worlds

Much of the existing research on divorce focuses on the immediate effects on young children, or on the legal and economic side of separation. There is less research on how those early experiences show up in young adulthood, told from the firsthand perspectives of the people affected. These long-term effects are often overlooked, especially as children grow older and are expected to “move on.”

This research is not just an academic pursuit, but a reflection of my own life experience. I am a child of divorce, and I wanted to create a space for others who never had a chance to process what they went through: to voice their experiences, explore their unresolved questions, and feel seen.

Listening

What Students Shared

I designed and ran the full study, from IRB approval through analysis, advised by Prof. Rebecca London.

I recruited with flyers and QR codes posted around campus and shared in classes. At the end of the survey, students could opt in to an interview, and each interviewee received a $30 Visa gift card for their time. My goal was 20 interviews; I completed 16.

The Survey: A Baseline

No one answered “never” to experiencing anxiety or depression. Most participants also kept a steadier relationship with their mother than with their father.

The Interviews: Going Deeper

I transcribed each interview with Otter.ai, corrected the transcript right away, and replaced every name with a pseudonym. Then I coded each transcript and grouped similar codes into themes. For example, withdrawing during arguments and fear of confrontation became Handling Conflict.

1. An absent parent left the deepest mark. At least 10 of 16 participants grew up with one parent, most often the father, who was largely absent physically, emotionally, or both. For many, the lasting harm came less from the divorce itself than from that absence.

“It made me feel like even the closest people to you can still just up and up and leave, or they can choose something better… I mean, I was a kid, so, yeah, definitely, it developed trust issues at a very, very young age.” (Trish)

2. Conflict at home became avoidance later. Participants from high-conflict homes often shut down, stayed quiet, or retreated when facing conflict as adults, even in low-stakes disagreements.

“I’m the worst at conflict… I don’t even know how to handle it. I tense up… I would always remember anytime they would be fighting, I’d go to my room and then I would listen at my door what they would be saying.” (Alex)

3. Relationships replayed what home looked like. Many described being overly attached, drawn to emotionally distant partners, or feeling undeserving of stable love.

“I would notice patterns between my dad’s behavior and the people I was dating, and I was dating people who didn’t respect me as much because I had low confidence, and that’s probably part due to the rejection I felt from him as a kid and growing up.” (Anika)

4. Coping ranged from numbing to healing. The most common coping mechanisms were substance use, emotional avoidance, binge eating, self-sabotage in relationships, and, for some, therapy.

“I’ve also gone to therapy recently… My therapist was helping me talk to my mom about it, and even suggested to both my mom and dad that they should go to therapy too. That was cool. I think therapy really did help.” (Rose)

5. Culture, class, and gender shaped how people processed it. Participants from Hispanic/Latinx and immigrant households often heard phrases like “what’s there to be sad about” or “just get over it.” Participants from lower- and middle-income families described more instability, like being passed between relatives’ homes. Female-identifying participants tended to internalize their experiences, while male-identifying participants more often adopted a stoic, accepting mindset.

All participant names are pseudonyms.

The turning point

It Wasn’t Just the Divorce

Outcomes were not predetermined. The difference often came down to the level of emotional support participants received, the consistency of their caregiving, and whether their voices were heard during the chaos. Every student, regardless of how painful their upbringing had been, expressed some form of appreciation or acceptance for what they had been through.

“What happened made me who I am right now, and I’m happy to be the person I am right now, because I feel that definitely built character. That built me to be more compassionate, more empathetic, more aware of people’s feelings.” (Mary)

What it means

What Families and Support Systems Can Do

The findings point to a need for trauma-informed, culturally aware, and emotionally supportive resources for families navigating divorce:

• Keep children out of the middle. Venting to a child about the other parent left lasting strain:

“Sometimes even now, whenever they insult my dad they say, ‘Don’t you think so?’, I laugh awkwardly, inside I am screaming, because why would you ask me that?” (Lily)

• Protect the parent–child connection. Since absence did more lasting damage than the separation itself, staying consistently present matters, even after a parent moves out.
• Offer a neutral space. Therapy gave participants somewhere to talk without guilt or having to choose sides.
• Make support culturally aware. Where mental health is stigmatized or dismissed, it’s harder for young people to seek or accept support, so resources need to account for that stigma.

Looking back

What’s Next & What I Learned

What’s Next

• Where they are now: Follow up with people who lived through a rough past to see how each individual goes about life today.
• Divorce later in life: Study people who experienced their parents’ divorce when they were older, and compare how each population is affected.
• The parents’ side: Interview parents to understand their point of view.

Reflection: What I Learned

1. Plan for the sample you get. I aimed for 20 interviews and completed 16, but letting interviews build on the survey kept the depth.
2. Let participants lead. Inductive analysis meant themes came from their words, not a framework I brought in.
3. Research close to home takes extra care. Sharing the experience helped participants open up, and it made pseudonyms, consent, and compensation even more important.

The divorce may not have planted the seed, but it often watered it.